February 5, 2007
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reacquainted
I decided that if I was going to get together with Will this past Friday, that I would give it a chance to work. The last couple of times, or at least the last time, I think I went it expecting it not to work out, or not wanting it to. But I did want it to be worthwhile this time, and at least some fun. One thing I did do was to take a clonopin before going to meet him. (I’ve had a prescription for them, for anxiety, for a couple of months. I was a little afraid I might abuse them, but I’ve actually only been taking them as needed, usually when I’m feeling overwhelmed at work — like when I’m about the burst into tears — and they’ve been useful.)
Also, I’ve pretty much resigned myself to the fact that if some love and affection does exist between th two of us, sex is not where it’s going to be expressed. Will keeps that all good and separate. But what we did have, and it was very pleasant, was a deep knowledge of each other’s sexual selves.
We had decided sometime back that the next time would be done as ourselves, without any scripting, which seemed to work just fine. It was a lot like dancing with a familiar partner, each of us knowing where the other would move next, and rising to connect with that movement. So it was pretty well smooth and pleasing to both of us.
The weekend was pretty quiet; really cold out, and I mostly stayed in. It’s even colder today. I’m going to the doctor this morning, a check-up I’m a bit late for, and I’m somewhat toying with the idea of not going in. I have to go to the doctor, but it’s seven degrees out. Feh.
