March 23, 2007
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wild couple of weeks
I think I did find a way to be okay about Will; I’m really trying to let go of anger. It’s something of a plague.
I saw the GYN this week, for the first time in something like ten years. I was a GYN avoider. I lucked into a good one this time; she was very kind and it was all very easy and comfortable. And I asked her a gazillion questions. One thing that I told her was that my nipples were sore a lot lately, and she said, “That’s common in menopause.” I had told her that I hadn’t had a period in over a year, and I knew that this basically meant I was in menopause, but hearing her say the word really made me realize that it was true. I really have to read up and pay attention and ask the GYN some more questions, but I bet there’s a lot going on with me, especially some of the moods, that may be attributable to that. But why the hell haven’t any of my other doctors brought it up? why didn’t my psychiatrist ask me about it when my mood problems got worse? I’m thinking seriously about a new psychiatrist, because I’ve never adored the old one 100%, but he always gave me the meds I seemed to need.
But I want more from my doctors these days. Even though I adored my cool Deadhead podiatrist Doctor Debbie, I’ve switched to a new guy who’s giving me better care. He was at the office health fair and I showed him the foot fungus that Doctor Debbie had been treating for three or four months, and he said, “I hate to see something like that,” and seemed genuinely distressed. So I went to see him. I’ve been with him almost a month now and the fungus is about 70% gone. Plus he’s taking care of some foot pain I have, and is getting me orthotics. Much more thorough.
The GYN wrote me a prescription for Valtrex, something I’ve wanted for a long time (suppressant therapy for genital herpes). But I truly hope that when I learn TM and start meditating regularly, I can get off some of the other meds: the ones for blood pressure, for instance. The clonopin for anxiety.
TM brings us back to the topic of Lynch, who leaves New York tomorrow morning after two days here. He’s absolutely fascinating. It was really lovely to get right back into that exact same friendly, fun space with him and Bobby, just picked up where we left off. Bobby and I talk and e-mail a lot, but it’s not the same. Thursday night, there was a small prospective-donor event in the city (small meaning about 40 total guests), and Bobby said to me at one point, “It is so great to be back here with you. We missed you so much in Washington! It really wasn’t the same without you!” We just all three fell back into that nice cozy space. And yet it’s a totally unreal relationship; easily 75% of it has taken place in a car service car, and it’s highly affectionate without necessarily being romantic. My old boss Ben used to say, “Never talk to authors about yourself. No one wants to know anything about the publicist.” I’m not sure if that’s really a good rule; working with my new boss, Tina, has me seeing Ben as less than perfect in some ways. Plus Ben’s bad at the social thing anyway. Whether it’s a good rule or not, I could never bring myself to pass up the chance to be friendly with someone like David. And maybe the fact that I’m casual — as well, I must say, as funny — is why I have such a nice relationship with those guys.
Today I went with him to tape a syndicated NBC TV show called Your Total Health, and NBC is a class outfit; the producer who was my contact there was young but very professional, friendly but with a slightly slick veneer. I could never do that little artificial bit; my undeniable old-hippieness wouldn’t ever let me.
I don’t know how I ever got the nerve to treat David like a regular guy and pretty much be myself around him. Maybe Bobby sort of eased the way for me before I met David, always telling me how great and sweet and wonderful David is. So I certainly let David know that I was a fan and an admirer, but then I moved on. I guess I sort of acted like I do with Will; not too different. Maybe what I learned from Will, over these many years (this month is 30 years since I first met Will!), is that a marvelous, charming, brilliant, talented person is also a human being. Being famous is the least interesting thing about David.
Anyway, yeah, I’m still pretty hyper from these couple of days. It started at the reception last night; someone was interviewing him when I got there (Tina was with me, and her boyfriend met us there; Tina is a TMer from a TM family that lives in Fairfield, Iowa: TM Central). But when he was done with the interview and came over to us, the first thing he did was kiss me on the lips. I don’t know how it sat with Tina (I think OK), but it sure did please me. And from that moment on, I was right back in Lynchworld.
Again I feel that, beyond the book, I may well stay connected to him in some way. Is he going to call me for lunch every time he’s in town? Nuh-uh. But if his art show comes to New York, will I get invited to the opening? Possible. Will I end up finding some way to give back to the Foundation after they cover my TM training? Yep. Will I ever take him to see the Japanese garden at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden? I doubt it, but you never know. When I very gently reminded him about it this visit, he liked it and brought it up again later. He does kind of light up sometimes. It happened after the reception last night, after the talk, and all of the people who wanted to talk to him, and get something signed, fifteen minutes, half an hour, he’s trying to edge toward the stairs from the second floor to the first, trailing people who wanted to talk some more, and I leaned over and whispered to him, “You must be dying for a butt!” That lit him right up; he looked at me and smiled and I saw him remembering that I was funny and that I “got” him. He had to remember who I was a little bit, I think, and why not? he meets and talks to an awful lot of people all over the world (he just came back from a month in Europe: art opening in Paris, something in Denmark that included a reading and signing, back to Paris to shoot a TV commercial — European TV commercials is where he earns his real bread — and I’m not sure what-all else). But our little New York triumvirate clicked right back in. Bobby sits back a bit when it’s the three of us, just as I sit back in a larger group to let others have their time with him. Bobby’s something of a facilitator; also at times a filter and moderator. Good audience, too.
Anyway, anyway. The episode will be shown in May, mostly likely; David is off tomorrow for a day in Dallas (film) and then back home to LA. He’s back to Europe in May, for another commercial, Cannes, and then some big arts event. Oh — and I did finally have a photo taken of David and me (Bobby refused to be in it), which is digital and should be in my work computer Monday. It’s on Tina’s camera. If you’re really nice to me, I’ll post it here.
Tina, by the way, has turned out to be all right, I think. More than all right; a couple of her suggestions have really taken my work to a whole other level. I needed a push to be a little more proactive with the media, and the results, with two books I didn’t have a lot of faith in, have been awfully good. I really kind of stopped the learning process when Ben left and maybe I forgot that I wasn’t done learning, but Tina has certainly restarted it — and there’s a lot I can learn from her. I usually don’t make such sweeping statements, but some of my absolute best and absolute worst bosses were women, and I’m always apprehensive about them, because the bad ones were SOOO bad. Maybe the first few bad ones shocked me so badly because it was so unexpected, and I had different expectations of male bosses. I was rarely shocked when they turned out to be assholes. Anyway, I think I was braced so tightly against Tina being awful that I anxietied myself into a state. Tina’s not micro-managing — she’s looking over my work to learn what I do and don’t know, and stepping in where I need correction. That’s her job. She may be 20 years younger than me (I think I’ve figured out it’s about 18), but she has some solid publicity experience and even teaches classes. She’s actually very nice. She took each of us out to lunch separately (on the department).
Now I’m really quite tired. Hell of a week or two. There’s probably more — nice talk with my brother tonight — but I think I’m out of brain for now.
